In the article “Making It About You: The Problem with Telling Your Child You’re Proud,” the video discusses the negative effects of saying “I’m so proud of you” to your child. The article argues that this statement shifts the focus onto the parent instead of the child and creates a reliance on external judgment. Instead, it suggests saying “You should be proud of yourself” to encourage the child to internalize their accomplishments and build confidence from within. By providing alternatives to expressing pride, the goal is to support the child’s self-esteem and personal growth. The article concludes by inviting readers to subscribe to Dad University’s channel for more parenting tips and advice.
The video from Dad University presents a thought-provoking viewpoint on the common practice of telling your child you are proud of them. It challenges the notion that this form of affirmation is beneficial for the child, arguing that it actually centers the focus on the parent and can create dependency on external judgment. The video proposes alternative ways to support and encourage a child’s accomplishments, emphasizing the importance of building their confidence from within. By reframing the narrative, the goal is to empower children to feel proud of themselves and foster their personal growth.
The problem with telling your child you’re proud
As parents, it is natural to feel a sense of pride when our children accomplish something. However, saying “I’m so proud of you” can actually have negative effects on the child. It is important to understand these negative effects in order to find alternative ways to express our support and encouragement.
Negative effects of saying “I’m so proud of you”
When we say “I’m so proud of you,” we unintentionally diminish the child’s sense of personal accomplishment. Instead of recognizing their own achievements, they begin to rely on external validation from their parents. This can lead to a skewed perception of success, where their worth is dependent on others’ approval.
Furthermore, saying “I’m so proud of you” creates pressure and expectations. The child may feel the need to constantly prove themselves in order to maintain their parents’ pride. This can lead to anxiety and a fear of failure, as they are motivated by external validation rather than personal growth.
Lastly, consistently telling your child that you’re proud of them has the potential to foster narcissism. When they become accustomed to receiving praise for every achievement, they may develop a sense of entitlement and superiority. This can hinder their ability to empathize with others and cultivate healthy relationships.
Making it about you instead of the child
Saying “I’m so proud of you” shifts the focus from the child’s achievements to the parent’s approval. It unintentionally communicates that the child’s accomplishments are primarily for the purpose of making the parent proud, rather than for their own personal growth and fulfillment.
This undermines the child’s individuality and autonomy. It implies that their worth and value are tied to the parent’s opinion, rather than being intrinsic qualities of their own. It can lead to a lack of self-confidence and a reliance on external validation to feel a sense of worth.
Furthermore, telling your child you’re proud of them can imply that your pride is conditional. It suggests that their value and worth are contingent upon meeting certain expectations. This can place unnecessary pressure on the child to constantly seek approval and validation, rather than cultivating their own sense of self-worth.
Creating reliance on external judgment
Saying “I’m so proud of you” establishes a need for constant external validation. The child may become dependent on others’ opinions and judgments to feel good about themselves. This inhibits the development of intrinsic motivation, as they are driven by the desire to please others rather than their own personal fulfillment.
Additionally, constantly seeking external validation can promote a fear of disappointing others. The child may become apprehensive about taking risks and pursuing their own goals, as they are afraid of not living up to the expectations and standards set by others. They may prioritize others’ opinions over their own desires and dreams.
Alternatives to saying “I’m so proud of you”
Instead of relying on external validation, it is important to encourage self-reflection and self-evaluation in your child. This helps them develop a sense of internalized pride and self-worth.
One way to do this is by asking open-ended questions about their thoughts and feelings regarding their accomplishments. This promotes self-awareness and self-assessment, allowing them to recognize their own achievements and strengths.
Additionally, it is important to teach your child to recognize their own worth. Encourage self-esteem and self-compassion, emphasizing that their value is not dependent on others’ opinions. Help them develop a sense of intrinsic value, where they derive satisfaction and pride from their own personal growth and accomplishments.
Lastly, focus on building confidence from within. Support your child’s autonomy and independence by allowing them to make decisions and take risks. Emphasize effort and personal growth, rather than solely focusing on the outcome. This helps them cultivate resilience and belief in their own abilities.
Conclusion
While it is natural to feel proud of our children, it is important to recognize the potential negative effects of expressing this pride in certain ways. By shifting the focus from external validation to internalized pride, we can help our children develop a stronger sense of self-worth and self-motivation.
Encouraging self-reflection, fostering internalized pride, and building confidence from within are more effective approaches than simply telling our children that we are proud of them. By focusing on their personal growth and cultivating a sense of intrinsic value, we can help them become resilient, confident individuals who are capable of achieving their own goals and finding fulfillment in their own accomplishments.