Hey, welcome back to Live On Purpose TV, glad that you’re here. Today, we’re going to talk about how to get kids to focus better. As a psychologist with 23 years of experience, I’ve worked extensively with parents and children, and one of the common questions I receive is how to improve their child’s focus and attention. While there are cases of ADHD that require specific attention, many of the concerns parents have are related to typical childhood situations. Kids are actually quite adept at focusing on things that interest them, but may struggle with focusing on tasks or instructions given by parents. So, let’s delve into some strategies to help you turn your words from garbage into gold and better capture your child’s attention and focus.
Now, let me tell you about a single father who came to me extremely frustrated because his five kids wouldn’t listen to him or focus on his instructions. He couldn’t understand why he had to repeat himself twelve times before they would comply. I posed a question to him – why do they finally respond after the twelfth time? It may seem like a funny question, but it’s an important one to consider. As we explore this issue further, you’ll see that there are ways to grab your child’s attention right away and improve their focus, without having to repeat yourself numerous times. So, let’s dive into how you can turn your words from garbage into gold and help your child focus on what you want them to.
Understanding Kids’ Focus
Kids are naturally inclined to focus on what interests them. They have a remarkable ability to filter out unnecessary information and pay attention to what they find important or engaging. This is why, as parents, we often find ourselves frustrated when our children seem to lack focus on things we deem important, such as schoolwork or household chores. It’s essential to understand that what may be important to us may not carry the same weight for our children. However, it is still crucial for parents to address and guide their children’s focus to ensure their development and success.
Additionally, parental concerns play a significant role in shaping our expectations for our children’s focus and attention. We worry about their academic performance, their ability to complete tasks, and their overall ability to listen and comprehend instructions. These concerns stem from a desire to see our children succeed and thrive in life. Recognizing the importance of parental concerns is the first step in finding strategies to improve our children’s focus.
The Frustrated Father’s Dilemma
A prime example of a parent’s frustration with their child’s lack of focus is the story of a single father with five kids. He expressed his constant frustration with his children not paying attention to him or following his instructions. This father questioned why he had to repeat himself twelve times before his children would finally respond.
The repeated requests and lack of immediate response can be exasperating for any parent. It leaves us wondering why it takes so many attempts to grab our children’s attention. However, the turning point occurs when the child finally responds after the twelfth time. This raises an important question: why do they respond then? Is there something different about the twelfth request that finally captures their attention?
Analyzing the 12th Time
The twelfth time the father asks for his children’s attention reveals crucial insights into what can trigger their response. One of the factors that contribute to their responsiveness is the tone and urgency in the communication. When the father’s voice escalates, becoming louder and more forceful, it signals to the children that it is time to pay attention.
Kids are perceptive and interpret the tone of voice as an indicator of importance. When the father’s voice reaches a certain level of urgency, the children realize that it is crucial for them to respond. This suggests that the way parents communicate can significantly impact their children’s focus and attention.
Strategy to Improve Kids’ Focus
To improve our children’s focus, we need to learn how to turn our words from “garbage to gold.” Rather than relying on repeated requests and escalating frustration, we can employ strategies that trigger our child’s attention and focus.
The key is to create an association between our words and a consequence. When children understand that certain words from their parents are linked to specific consequences, they are more likely to pay attention and respond promptly. By consistently following our words with appropriate consequences, we teach our children to associate our communication with outcomes they consider important.
Consequence as a Trigger
Consequences play a significant role in training our children’s responses. By setting clear expectations for their behavior and following through with appropriate consequences, we communicate the importance of our words and actions.
It is crucial to ensure that the consequences we implement are suitable for the situation. They should be fair, consistent, and aligned with the expectations we set for our children. This consistency helps children understand the cause and effect relationship between their actions and the outcomes they experience.
Comparison: Slot Machine vs. Vending Machine
In parenting, consistency is key. To illustrate this point, let’s compare two types of machines: a slot machine and a vending machine. A slot machine in a casino can be frustrating because it does not provide a predictable payout. People continue to input money, hoping that eventually, they will receive a reward. This inconsistent outcome keeps them engaged, even when they do not win.
On the other hand, a vending machine provides a predictable outcome. When money is inserted, a specific item is dispensed. If the machine fails to deliver as expected, people often become frustrated and seek a resolution.
As parents, we need to ask ourselves whether we are more like a slot machine or a vending machine. Are we inconsistent in our communication and consequences, leaving our children unsure of what to expect? Or are we consistent, providing a clear cause-and-effect relationship between their actions and the outcomes they experience?
Training Kids’ Behavior
To improve our children’s focus and attention, it is essential to develop consistency in our approach. This means consistently setting expectations and following through with appropriate consequences. This consistency helps our children understand the importance of our words and their subsequent actions.
We can adopt a “vending machine mindset” as parents, offering consistent and predictable outcomes based on our children’s behavior. This trains them to understand that our words are not mere requests but triggers for action. By utilizing consequences effectively, we can turn our words from garbage into gold, capturing our children’s attention and focus.
Turning Words from Garbage Into Gold
To turn our words from garbage into gold, we must transform our interactions with our children. This transformation involves several key elements, including consistency, consequence, and tone.
Consistency is crucial in setting expectations and following through with consequences. Our children need to know that we mean what we say and that there are predictable outcomes for their actions.
Consequences are effective tools for communicating the importance of our words. By linking our communication to specific outcomes, we trigger our children’s understanding that they need to pay attention and respond accordingly.
Tone plays a significant role in capturing our children’s attention. When we communicate with urgency and assertiveness, our children recognize the importance of our words and are more likely to focus on them.
By combining these elements and implementing effective strategies, we can improve our children’s focus and attention in various aspects of their lives.
Conclusion
Parental words carry great importance in guiding and shaping our children’s focus and attention. While it may be frustrating when our children do not immediately respond, we can employ effective strategies to improve their focus.
By turning our words from garbage into gold, we can trigger our children’s attention and focus. Consistency, appropriate consequences, and an assertive tone can all contribute to capturing our children’s attention and training their behavior.
As parents, our words hold immense power. By understanding how to communicate effectively and consistently, we empower our children to focus on what is important and cultivate positive behaviors. By implementing these strategies, we can make a significant impact on our children’s ability to focus better.